We have taken a while without reading from Leah Nabukeera. Today, she tells us about falling in love vs. learning to love. Ever since Leah won Miss Humanity Africa, she has been very busy helping people in the communities she travels to. Leave a comment if you are excited to read from her once again. You can listen to her speaking the words in this article here.
Leah Nabukeera Digs into Whether We fall in Love or learn to Love
All right, so I figured this conversation might get a little spicy. I know people will share their views, but this is my perspective, and I’m open to any feedback on the topic. Today, we’re talking about love—affairs of the heart- some of the most complicated things people go through. It can involve your best friend, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or siblings. But in this context, I’m focusing on romantic relationships—someone’s spouse or partner, whether you’re dating them seriously or just testing the waters.
Something interesting came up in a conversation I had recently. We were discussing love, and the question was: Do people fall in love, or do they learn to love? Which one is the real experience—falling in love, or learning to love?
I challenged the idea that you learn to love because, in most cases, that means there wasn’t an initial mutual attachment. You’re training yourself to care for someone. So, I believe in falling in love. The Bible offers a beautiful description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, where it says, “Love is patient, love is kind, love is not selfish, and love forgives.” These attributes are critical.
Why does Leah Nabukeera think we should fall in love at will?
In my view, love should be based on these biblical principles. Are you patient with your partner? Is your love kind and unconditional? In today’s world, love often feels conditional—like “I love you because you have a car,” or “I love you because I’m attracted to you.” There’s always a reason, and that’s conditional love, which isn’t right. If love depends on material things, what happens when those things disappear? Would you still love that person?
In our conversation, we spoke about a local phrase in Luganda, “Ogya Kuyiga okwagala,” which translates to “you’ll learn to love him/her.” I was surprised by this idea. How can someone learn to love? I always thought love was something you fall into from day one, without knowing everything about the person, but trusting your feelings. If you’re just learning to love someone, it feels one-sided—you’re settling because of some benefit. And once that benefit disappears, do you stop loving them?
Leah Nabukeera talks about why relationships these days easily fall apart
Falling in love is a beautiful experience. You become vulnerable and obsessed with the person. You want to be around them, you think about them constantly. That’s when you know it’s genuine love. On the other hand, if a small trigger in your partner’s life causes you to run away or become distant, that shows a lack of real love. Unfortunately, too many people today are learning to love rather than genuinely falling in love. We’ve turned love into something conditional, and that’s selfish.
When it comes to affairs of the heart, you can’t lie to yourself. Eventually, the truth comes out, even after years. You’ll see whether you genuinely love someone or if you’ve just been “learning” to love them. That’s why many relationships fall apart—because people settle, thinking they’ll eventually grow to love the other person. But when the tangible benefits disappear, the love fades too.
I come from a family where I was raised with love. My parents, my mom and dad, nurtured me out of love. I see it in old photos—their love for me was genuine and unconditional. So, I wonder, why is it that our parents can love us so unconditionally, yet people think they have to learn to love someone in a romantic relationship? Is it a trait taught by parents, or is it a defense mechanism developed after being hurt by others?
For me, the love I received from my parents has shaped how I approach relationships—whether it’s with my family, friends, or partner. I love and accept people for who they are, not for what they can do for me. So, it’s sad to learn that some people are conditioning themselves to love based on what they can get from the other person, instead of genuinely falling for them.
So, I bring up this story to encourage anyone struggling in their relationships to think deeply: Are you falling in love, or are you learning to love someone? Don’t waste time deceiving yourself—because you can’t lie to your heart. If you do, it will lead to depression, stress, and trust issues. Go back to the basics, as described in the Bible. We watch romantic movies and say, “I want that kind of love,” but we don’t practice it in real life. Why not? Those movies are trying to remind us of what we’ve lost in our pursuit of love.
I’ll end with this: This is my perspective. Everyone is entitled to their view, but I hope this message helps someone out there. To every man, woman, and child, just believe that love exists. I’m someone who knows it exists, and I’ve found it. It’s a beautiful thing to be in love. So, I hope you’re not out there learning to be in love—because that will only break you.
Yours sincerely,
Queen Via Victoria
