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Hi there! I’m John Kenny once again, and welcome to Kampala Edge Times. So, today’s conversation is all about people who don’t reciprocate our feelings or unrequited love. Do you have to tolerate them? Do you have to persist, you know, freak them out and keep pursuing them? Yeah, that’s our conversation today. Welcome to Kampala Edge Times, and I’m very, very excited that you’re reading this article or listening to this podcast. I’m super excited.
What is Unrequited Love?
Unrequited love, also known as one-sided love, is when someone has strong feelings for another person who doesn’t feel the same way. The beloved may not know about the other person’s feelings or may intentionally reject them.
Why Are People Different?
Now, here’s the thing: People are groomed from different backgrounds. We come from various places, and we have different reasons for the decisions we make.
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So, we don’t expect our traits to come from other people because we all come from very different backgrounds. Technically, you’re not going to see your behavior in me completely. Even if you were to see some similarities, it wouldn’t be 100%. For example, I may behave like you, probably in football, as I learned the same skills as you did. But I may not have the same sleep patterns or taste in food. So, first of all, we need to understand that we come from very different backgrounds, and there is nothing in common among us. Even if you come from the same background, like being brother and sister, people eventually change in how they face different situations.
Why is every human different from each other?
Let’s imagine your brother has gone to an international school while you’ve attended a local one, or your sister has gone to an international school while you’ve attended a local one. You’re going to behave differently from each other. Why? Well, because the environments where you interact are not uniform. You may spend eight or 10 hours at school in a local environment, while your brother or sister is spending the same amount or more in an international school. And definitely, many different things happen. These experiences change who we eventually become. As we grow up and enter the teenage stage, we start having attractions, ambitions, desires, and things we really want to pursue.
At what age do you start having sexual and love relationship desires?
At the ages of 13, 14, 15, and 16, we have all these ambitions and desires kicking in. So, if you have different desires, take a good look. Some people may be attracted to girls for sexual satisfaction, while others may seek them for marriage. Then, there are those who pursue relationships for showbiz or what they call ‘Okulumya Abayaye’ (to hurt the bad guys), you know? So, that’s the idea. We have different intentions and reasons for our actions.
Self-esteem Vs Peer Pressure
And then we’ll get to the stage where you’re at campus. Some people actually get married earlier than others. For instance, I am currently 24, and I have seen a number of my friends who are my age or younger or older getting married. Maybe they have their reasons. Perhaps they are financially stable, or maybe they have met the right person and are convinced that this is the one. So, definitely, they are tying that knot, you know? Meanwhile, myself here, maybe I’ve not yet become financially stable, and secondly, I’ve not met someone whom I can trust enough to wed. It gets very complicated, you know?
How can I tell that I’m trapped in One-sided Love or Unrequited Love?
So back to our topic (Unrequited Love), do we tolerate people who don’t give us attention? Now, here’s the thing: People give attention to things they can relate to, you know? You don’t watch certain channels on TV not because you hate them; there’s nothing you have against them. But because you can’t relate—your experience in life and your background have nothing in common with those channels that you can relate to and tolerate. The same thing applies to relationships. You approach someone or someone approaches you, and you talk nicely to each other. But eventually, you realize you don’t get along; the person doesn’t reply to your texts.
These are signs of people who are not interested in you (Unrequited Love). They send short texts, don’t have time for you, don’t give you any positive energy, and won’t show appreciation for your efforts. Instead, they may humiliate you the moment you try to flirt or reach out to them; they’ll laugh at you. That’s a huge sign of Unrequited Love, although most of us miss such signals.
How To Deal With Rejection From Unrequited Love
You know, when someone is not giving you attention, it’s clear they’re not interested, duhh. Move on! I read somewhere that when you’re in love, you think that’s the only person in the world. Yet, in reality, if you just looked around and found another attractive person to you, you could reciprocate exactly what you were doing with the other person who was hurting you, and this person would actually reciprocate your feelings. You get it? It’s as easy as that.
But people think you have to stick to one person who doesn’t even value you. You’re forcing it, you’re pushing it, you’re trying too hard, you know that this person is just not interested. They’re not poisoning you and they’re not killing you. They just have no interest. But you think they are waging war against you? No, they aren’t. Just move on! Find someone else. Most times when we use the phrase “move on,” we use it in a sad tone, and we’re like, “please move on. That person doesn’t love you.”
Why Move On from Unrequited Love To A Healthy Relationship?
No, you don’t move on because that person doesn’t love you. No, you’re moving on because you deserve better. You’re moving on because there is someone who actually deserves your attention. You get it? There’s someone who actually deserves that attention more than this person who is taking you for granted. So, someone is taking you for granted, and you’re tolerating it? Don’t!
Personal Experience After Noticing Unrequited Love
This is what I actually do. In fact, I delete contacts. Thank God, I’m a man. So when I talk to a girl, and she’s given me a lot of negative energy, the first thing I do is delete her number. I give her approximately two weeks to prove her personality. If I realize that this person is underestimating me or giving me toxic vibes, I delete that number. And that’s it; it actually works. She actually gets back to you after a while, and you really don’t see the reason you were running after her, you know? But she gets back to you, and you’re like, “bro, I’m sorry, I no longer have an interest in you.”
You get it? So she opens her eyes and realizes, “Oh, this guy actually loved me and I messed up with him?” So that’s the idea, you get it? So never tolerate people who don’t value you; you are more than attention.
Why are people (girls or boys) toxic to me?
Attention is just an effect of your existence. I don’t know whether you get it. You first exist, and then attention happens. It is just an effect. It may or may not happen. You get it? It may or may not happen because it depends on a lot of factors.
This person might have met several people who talk to them the way you do, and they might find it boring. Or they just don’t like you, and that’s no crime because that’s their life; let them live their life. Don’t force it. You know, don’t force it. I don’t like seeing people in tears because of, you know, girls, especially my boys. Don’t cry because of girls, you get it. And girls, please quit crying over spilled milk.
What to do after leaving unrequited love
Move to people whom you deserve, you know, and who deserve you. I don’t know whether you get it. You should value yourself, understand who you are, respect who you are, and take it very seriously. You get it? Take it extremely seriously because your mental health, your peace, your mental peace, your health, your happiness is what matters the most to you. It’s not proving your worth to other people that matters. Because it’s one thing to prove yourself to other people; it’s another thing for you to be comfortable. You need to be comfortable while doing so. Otherwise, you might as well be committing something suicidal.
Effects of One-sided or Unrequited Love Love
And what I realized about relationships is that these things that you see at the beginning about people, bounce back. Even if you win this girl’s heart, even if you win this boy’s heart, at some point, they will give you that attitude in a situation you didn’t want such a thing to happen. Let’s say you have already wedded this girl, or you have been wedded to this gentleman. And suddenly, he just doesn’t like talking to you, you know? He can go weeks without talking to you. Why? Because he feels like he deserves more, something of that sort. And he feels like you’re less, and you know, they undervalue you.
Why relationship signals should be taken very seriously
So, these signals are very accurate. You should pay attention to the signals that people give you so that you can actually make the best decisions for yourself. Yep, I think that’s what I can tell you. Thank you so much for reading and listening to this podcast. I’m really grateful. My name is John Kenny Adeya. Please keep it 100. Be real, be honest with yourself, especially be honest with yourself. If someone doesn’t like you, let them go. Be honest with yourself about this person. This person doesn’t like me, so let them be because there are billions of people walking on the face of the earth. God bless you.
