Table of Contents
Why Am I Talking About Valentine’s Day Today?
Hi, my name is John Kenny once again, and today the reason I’m recording this is specifically to talk about Valentine’s Day. Yeah, we know the 14th February popular Day, and it’s one of the most significant days for the largest population on Earth. Although it does not compete with Christmas Day or Easter, it is recognized in terms of face value. People know it exists, and they know when it happens in large numbers all over the world.
How Have We Grown to Appreciate Love and Relationships?
So I am going to go straight to the point. The reason I’m writing this article is because of how we have grown to appreciate love and relationships. Once upon a time, relationships meant security for both parties. People wanted to confide in each other. They wanted to depend on each other. Love was supposed to be something that binds people, so they don’t have to face the fear of taking responsibility for their mistakes alone and stuff like that.
What Does Adulthood Really Bring?
You know, adulthood comes with isolation. You have to leave your parents and move elsewhere. Now when you leave your parents and move elsewhere, it becomes a hassle. You have to work hard and be stable. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself getting thrown out of the house because you can’t pay the bills.
To pay the bills, you have to be doing something—either you have a skill that the community needs and they’ll come running to you, giving you their money so you can do for them what they don’t know how to do, or you look for a job and do what someone you call a boss tells you to do in exchange for money. Or whatever the case may be, because times have changed. There are even things like cryptocurrency; people earn money through different ways, blockchain and Forex. So many methods of earning money have come up, but basically the whole point is to make money.
So adulthood mostly depends on how we make our choices. And if you want to live happily, you should be able to afford the things you need on a regular basis. You should be able to afford food, buy clothes, and look neat in your community so that you are presentable and people can look at you and value you—because that’s how communication works and opportunities come through.
What Challenges Make Us Turn to Love?
But then, in the midst of this struggle, you face challenges. You face depression, rejection, and a lot of things that happen to you. And if you face purely those things, trust me, your life can easily shatter. That is because life can be very threatening. Life can be intimidating. Life can be terrifying. A lot of strange things happen to us as we grow up, and we simply can’t handle them immediately.
We have goals—like building a house when you’re a man. If you’re a woman, maybe you’re aiming to start a business or something that adds a little more value to your name. And in the process, you feel lonely because you are facing the challenge of achieving these things. So you look for somebody to live with. You want to love, you want to be loved.
What Expectations Come With Falling in Love?
But then, when you meet someone to love, you both have expectations from each other. Each party has something they expect. Maybe one expects to love and the other expects to be loved.
What Are the Different Forms of Love?
Now, love comes in different forms. You know, there are different forms of love. But research into psychology and ancient traditions shows several recognized types. For example, the ancient Greeks described eros (romantic, passionate love), philia (affectionate, friendly love), storge (familial, unconditional love), agape (selfless, universal love), and others like ludus (playful love) or pragma (enduring, practical love).
In modern terms, many people refer to the five love languages by Gary Chapman: words of affirmation (verbal appreciation and encouragement), acts of service (love shared through care, like helping with tasks), receiving gifts, quality time (undivided attention), and physical touch (love shared through embraces, caresses, and closeness). And there is love in very many different forms. These are different ways that love is shared.
But then, there comes a point whereby this specific type of love that should be shared is the romantic type of love. And now this is where the challenge comes in.
Should Tradition Dictate How We Make Love Official?
Tradition has always dictated that this type of love should be made official. You should meet the parents and stuff like that in Africa. But then, according to me, I think love is personal. If someone falls in love, it’s their personal decision to fall in love, and they have the liberty to do whatever they want with the person who has accepted to be in love with them. You get? The whole point of bringing in relatives and parents and people giving handclaps and presents—that step should be voluntary. It should not be pressurized based on problems like pregnancy or misunderstandings and stuff like that. Or it should not be used as a weapon.
You know, there is this circumstance where a girl can actually tell you, “Hey, I need us to go to our parents. You need to meet my parents. I need to meet yours because I think you can leave me.” Now, that relationship is using parents for the wrong purpose, because parents should be taken seriously. You should not take your lover to your parents yet you are not even trusting that person. What if that person does something wrong to your parent?
I mean, you two people need to be mature enough to understand each other, to love each other so deeply, and then that’s when you start thinking of adding in third parties. Because if you bring third parties—for instance, friends, brothers, and whatever—to your relationship, you’ll be accountable to these people because you have told them about your relationship. You’ll have to tell them what’s going on. You have told them because you trust them that they might be giving you advice. That’s the real reason why we tell our parents and friends. It’s because we believe these are our safety circles and everything.
But then, intimacy is funny, you know? Only two people can handle it appropriately when it’s still in its infant stages. If you try to bring in third parties when intimacy is still young, when you’re not yet sure about each other, it can easily break. Say you have not yet had sex with each other and you are already telling everybody that you are in love.
You are putting yourself on a pedestal—and remember what I said about putting people on a pedestal? Putting oneself on a pedestal is equally evil. You are going to suffer criticism because you’ve told people that, hey, here I am, I’m living in a house of glass, and you can see how exemplary I am.
When you tell people that you are in love, you’re telling them that you are better than them. You have found love. So they will watch you closely, and any slight mistake will be subject to criticism. When you have misunderstandings with your lover, that will be a topic for the whole week. When you don’t talk to each other, when you kiss—everything will be a topic.
Now, this will cause insecurity. It will also loosen your communication. You will not communicate clearly to each other because you feel like there’s an audience to please. For instance, if your lover does something wrong to you, you will feel too proud to forgive them because you have an audience to please. And that usually happens in the early stages because you don’t want to look silly to other people. You know, love is somehow silly. You have to accept people the way they are.
They make mistakes, they do stupid things, but then you eventually accept them and you do things that are crazy but will make that person happy. And therefore, I don’t recommend having third parties.
Why Is Valentine’s Day Gift-Giving Often One-Sided?
However, there is a topic that I really wanted to bring up. The idea that the man is the one to provide and everything—but then when you talk about Valentine’s Day, why do we make it specifically about the girl getting gifted and the boy doing the gifting? I have failed to wrap my head around this concept. Why do we even do that? It’s not right. I mean, think about it.
A man is a human being, and he has tastes and preferences. If you are going to make the man the giver on Valentine’s Day, you have to make sure that whatever you think you are putting on the table is worth more than what he is giving you or equal, according to him. And how are you going to measure this? You can’t measure it.
So if you make it a condition that the man is going to provide a gift on Valentine’s Day, here are the reasons this is wrong. Number one, you are reducing your value to the level of a commodity. You are either a commodity or you are doing business. You are selling your love to this man. I mean, if it’s mandatory that the man brings a gift, but then the woman does not need to do anything at all—it brings in a puzzling situation.
If the woman does not need to bring in anything, then you are making her look like an object. She’s not a human being, she cannot make decisions. She does not even have the ability to make choices. She’s just owned. She’s like a car—they service her and she should not have opinions. She just accepts whatever is given to her and she can never bring anything new. So you don’t expect anything new from this person.
So what happens when whatever this girl is putting on the table as the standard for the man to provide gets over? Let’s say her beauty is the reason why the man is gifting her. What happens one day when, God forbid, she gets an accident, or she grows old, or the features on her body that the man fetishizes wear out? Do you think this man will continue gifting her? I have a feeling that he won’t. Why? Because whatever she has offered as her gift to the man is not making sense anymore. So that’s where you’ll find that the man does not value her anymore when her beauty fades away.
Why Must Love and Intimacy Be Truly Mutual?
Now, a lot of people will argue with me that the woman is supposed to be given and all that. But then, I would love to tell you that love—or intimacy, to be exact—between a man and a woman is mutual. Both parties are enjoying the pleasure of getting caressed by each other. There is no single person in a relationship who is favoring the other. Although some discontent relationships have that thing where there is someone with an upper hand. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be.
People are supposed to be equal in terms of emotions when they are in love, so that nobody is giving the other less than they deserve or depriving the other of what they may want. We have to be equal.
So now, if you use that sexual moment as the gift you are giving, you are making yourself like a rental. They are paying you to be there. Whereas if you are also able to gift, you learn about this man, ask him what he likes. He might be someone who likes books, or he likes new clothes, or he likes shoes, or he likes football, or soccer, whatever it is, or he likes movies, or video games. You just know those things, and if you gift him, this can actually be a souvenir. Valentine’s Day is mostly about souvenirs, according to me. And I think I am correct.
If you think your body is a gift, think about it. Will he remember the warmth of your body or the softness of your beauty 20 years from now? Even if he remembered that, will he have anything tangible to recall what it felt like being with you—let’s say when you are long gone, God forbid, or when you leave for a trip?
At least there should be a cup in the cupboard where he can look at and know that this was given to me by Sharon, the girl I love. And this is the reason why women fall in love deeper than men do. You know why? It’s because men leave souvenirs in these women’s lives. So a woman takes longer to forget a man. Whereas a man, on his own, may remember the woman he loved, but he gets diluted because a woman has a lot of things to remind her about that man who loved her.
Men are always gifting women. They are buying them gifts. They are helping them in significant moments of their lives. Let’s say my mom is sick, and the man comes as the savior of that day. He pays the bills. I’m hungry. He helps the woman. And all these things. Let alone the fact that we have ungrateful women these days. These days when you gift a woman, there are two chances: there’s a chance that you are helping her, and there’s also a chance that she is manipulating you—and there are more chances that she is manipulating you.
So I usually recommend to my fellow men: do not gift or buy presents for your girlfriend if you’re not yet married. According to her speed, if she’s pressurizing you, don’t panic. You are the man. Do things at will. When you are able to do things, that’s when you should do them. Do not crucify yourself. Do not set yourself on fire. You will regret.
So the idea is, gift her or buy her presents or help her when you are able. So you will not regret the things you did at will when you were comfortable—rather than sacrificing yourself for someone whom you might not marry. Someone who might let you down in a week or two, or might not show up on a date when you’ve paid all the bills. You don’t do that kind of stuff. You are crucifying yourself.
What Role Should Women Play in Giving and Receiving?
So basically, I think females are humans too. They have brains, they can think, they can make choices, and they can gift. They can buy presents, they can surprise. I don’t think they should put themselves in that position of the receiver, the weaker one, the one who needs help and material things and everything. Honestly, I have to be honest with all the ladies: you are more of a burden when you behave like that—rather than when you just live your normal life and you might get gifted while living your normal life.
You don’t need to beg for money all over social media, posting pictures, pretending to be sick, pretending all sorts of things just to get attention and get gifted money. I think ladies have a wrong perception of gifts and money. They look at them as their best daily earnings from men. They feel entitled, which is wrong. Nobody should be entitled to gifts. Gifts are more of surprises. They should just find you. If you don’t get it, it’s okay. You should not complain. But if someone is able to gift you, then that’s good.
That’s a good sign. That person is drawing your attention. That person loves you, especially if it’s a man. A man will do those things to grab your attention. And 99% of the time, you’ll fall for it because you are always starving to be gifted. You think that getting gifted is equal to being loved. No, do not mistake these two things.
Here, ladies, a man who loves you is recognized from the relationship you have. How do you people get along? Do you talk? Do you understand each other? How does it feel when you are together? Do you get along? Can you resolve arguments? Can you listen to each other? You know, that is what defines love. It’s not the material things. It’s not the consistency of giving you cash rewards.
It’s easy to be consistent when you want to get what you want. It might not be you that he wants—it might be the sex, might be he’s starving sexually, and he just wants good sex and a home-cooked meal. And you fall for it because you think net worth is equal to love.
What Should We Focus On This Valentine’s Day?
My final advice as we enter Valentine’s Day: let’s avoid being materialistic. Let’s focus on what we feel in our hearts. If you don’t love someone according to your heart, do not waste their time. Do not break people’s hearts. And do not propose in public. That is wrong.
You can only propose in public when you know the people who are making up the public—let’s say your family members and maybe the girl is at home. You can propose there, but you can’t propose in a random restaurant with a girl whom you met three days ago or three months ago, and you’re not sure that they would even say yes. Maybe they have been hesitant all this while and you think they’re going to say yes—they’re going to embarrass you.
And then lastly, let’s not put a lot of value on Valentine’s Day moods and how people treat us on that day. Life is bigger than these things. There are things greater than this. You should not put all your eggs in this basket of Valentine’s and want it to be colorful and all these sorts of things. No, life is much bigger than this and you should not break down just because you were not gifted. You should not compare yourself to other people. Other people are other people.
Remember, never forget this: love is a gift. You don’t get to take a gift. It is given to you. Love is a gift. I am single. I live alone personally. But then I don’t panic. I don’t lose sleep because maybe I don’t have a girl checking on me every evening. No. I don’t because I know love is a gift. When you find it or you land on it, you are lucky. But you should not beat yourself up. You should not cry. You should not lose your mind just because of love. Love is a beautiful thing.
You may think it’s easier for men to get it because we always go out to find the girl, but trust me, most men don’t easily find it because either a girl is rejecting you or she is playing you. Most of these girls are approached by several men, and therefore they also get confused on who to choose. And then that’s when the roller coaster begins of calling each other names and all that kind of stuff. Otherwise, I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day 2026.
